I Feel For You...when will you be cured?

just trying to unload.

I know you have been through a lot these days.

A month ago you had a car accident. got a scar and nine stitches on ur face. but you never saw even my shadow visiting you in the hospital. Nor a single message from me asking, how are you doing? Last week you celebrated your birthday. No greeting from me either. you sent me a goodnight message two nights ago. "who is this please?" was my reply. You replied only today, telling me its you and continued the message asking for an apology for all the blunders and telling me how you missed me. For the blunders, i said, its ok everyone has its shortcomings too. But you corrected me saying its not "its short-comings" but "their short-comings." When i've read it I felt a stubbing sensation in my chest. I opted not to reply. i might send a message that would add insult to injury.

They say time is a great healer. Now i beg to disagree. From where i'm standing you only get to be healed when you decided to be cured. I want to ask you when will you have that decision to be cured? I know i can never ask this in person. i'm not good in telling how i feel in person. Everytime i try i always felt a lump in my throat, preventing words to come out. Instead of words, tears will just spontaneuosly wells up in my eyes. Thats why i hate being confronted with emotions i know i can hardly handle. Aside from my immediate family, only few individuals really saw me sobbed. one, was my writer-friend who called me a crybaby and comforts me with a prayer. second, was my artist-friend who feels and understands my emotions. then the other one was a person who offended me the most. Even this person's shadow i cant stand.

Sure I know you have a good heart but may the kindness of your heart will not be contaminated with the bitterness you are feeling with the couple who caused you so much pain.

Yes I also missed you.

i missed the person i used to look up to
i missed the person who used to give me insights
i missed the person i whished to be like when grow up.

I feel for you as you are in the maze of your wild confusion.
I feel for you as you enter into your nights inscrutible.

My only hope dear one is for youn to be whole again.
Please be cured quickly.

Kaspersky!

the culprit why i'm having problem with viewing and sending messages....huhu. sometimes too much internet security is not also good.

excruciating night

last night was really terrible. i almost cant move because of pain. either stress related or my kidney reacted to my supplements. i drowned my self with wine hoping for the pain to flee. to my disappointment it lingers creating a terribly excruciating sensation. i was just thankful that after awhile the wine helped as a sedative. i slept earlier than my usual. more wine please! hehe

RIP Ted Kennedy

farewell and rest in peace Ted Kennedy a friend of Philippines democracy at some time in the past.

missing "starbucks"

the artist friend johnrichard made this artwork for us -"the starbuck experiene." starbucks intramuros is one of our favorite hangouts a.k.a our chat room/studyroom/assembly area/ etc. in the pictures are ate gwen(now mrs. castillo), itche (now mrs. buensoceso), tynee, abeth, and me.
I admit im a coffee junkie but what i really missed is the company of real friends i used to have when im in starbucks.hmmnnn... see you hopefully soooooon guys.

To my co-attempted writers!

To Jonathan/intellectual kuya: congrats to your PSS!
may you also get the NCCA young historians "rot-rot".hehe
LUCK! UGAT in the city!
To Jam/vongga!: Thanks for the overnight party! t'was sooo cool.
may the force be with you..regards sa mga abstract natin....cant wait for our second trip to sagada...kasama
kaba?

housemates

meet my present housemates/soon to be former housemates.hehe. love u guys. i cant imagine in a year of stay inside the campus, three times na pala akung nag transfer ng house. this time i'll be transferring to MSU- international house. hope this would be the last transfer.kopoy sige ug balhin.

VOLUNTEERING!

yesterday I went to Piagapo again as a volunteer for a medical mission. the place is known as the "sanctuary of kidnappers" and MILF and AFPs battle ground. i'm always excited verytime i visit the area. the posibility of being kidnapped thrills me. the great probability of a military and MILF encounter stirs an excitement in my inward parts.hehe. but ofcourse the feeling of helping other people always gives mirth in my soul. it always feels good to be a volunteer...a help without expecting something in return.

care to kiss?

TRUTH ABOUT KISSING....Do you know that the scientific term for kissing is philematology. the scientific way to dscribe it is, the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscle in a state of contraction. U burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss. It's a great cardiovascular workout because when u kiss, you releas adrenaline into the bloodstream and ur heart pumps more blood around your body. see? d nman puro kalandian lang! my health bnefit pala!

For Me To You

There are times in my life
When my heart is embittered.
There are questions unanswered,
Yet, You're drawing me
To enter
Into Your blessed santuary
And turning my eyes heavenward,
The questions of constant inquiry
Are changed to these words,
"Whom do I have in heaven
But You, dear Jehovah.
My flesh and my heart
Constantly fail,
But God's still
The strength of my heart and my portion;
To Him forever I'll draw near.
I've made Jehovah my sweet refuge.
So now throughout the years
Turn my view to see You,
How I need to see Jesus!!
Though I don't understand
The ways that You take;
Lord, make me
A babe and suckling always praising.
Enjoying Your worth day by day.
Let each experience constitute me
So Your life I'll display
In every way.

excited already for my next vacation

i'll go island hopping and visit some caves.... the pics below are my future destinations

The Way of the Cross

Not by gain our life is measured,
But by what we've lost 'tis scored;
'Tis not how much wine is drunken,
But how much has been outpoured.
For the strength of love e'er standeth
In the sacrifice we bear;
he who has the greatest suff'ring
Ever has the most to share.

not a blessing to see the faults of others

it is not a blessing to see the faults of others. learn not to see. learn not to hear. learn to be blind and deaf.......somebody once told me this. i learned this the hard way.

busyness vs. boredom

i sent an sms to my friends saying "very tired." the usual reply was, Y? but one relpied,"yes vry tyrd, ay nako minsan inisip ko bat ko b to gnagawa". "haha! but sometimes i just feel being busy keeps me sane" i replied.

"very bored..."another one said. upon reading her message made me feel thankful that atleast i'm busy doing something. i know how it feels being bored. i've been terribly bored for awhile in my life and a thought of it made me sick and its killing me. But i'm also glad that i have the boredom experience. its the very reason why i decided to work. i felt like i need to have a little dstruction to break my monotomy.honestly i thought i can never get out from that awful abyss of boredom. for those who felt bored right now, just dont think to much about ur situation...because it will lead u to dpression. hehe. let that boredom drives u to think other things. Who knows u can dicover something about urself that u never taught u can be or try something that u never tried bfore. Just keep urself busy...not thinking about ur situation of course but busy thinking other things. For me its better being tired for being busy beacuse it keeps my sanity.

What Burials Teach Me

i just arrived from camiguin islands attending granny's funeral.
A month ago somebody sent me a message about what burials could teach us.
This message actually helped me decide if i will or not attend the funeral. I will post it below hope it would also teach u something.

There are so many profound lessons that only burials can teach.

Lessons that I usually hear but often ignore

Lessons that I know but don’t put to heart

Lesson No. 1

The burial of a person is the last chance you’ll ever see the person. Don’t ever be late. You can be late in meetings or other events but never in a burial, especially if the person means so much to you.

Lesson No. 2:

If given only one option, it is better to attend a person’s burial than a person’s wedding. The person’s family will appreciate you more if you are with them during times of grief than during times of feasting. It is during tough and sad moments that they need your presence the most.

Lesson No. 3

You don’t have to say a lot to comfort the bereaved. Your presence says everything. During the wake, a friend approached the mother who lost her only child. She told her that everything will be okay and she has to be strong to face life’s challenges. Deep within, the mother got irritated. She said to herself, ” You just don’t understand what I truly feel.”

Lesson No. 4

Everyone will die. A burial is a reminder that our life on earth is fleeting. Each one is allotted a limited span of time on the earth. We must not waste a single day. Instead, we should savor every moment and use every opportunity to show our loved ones how much we love them. Moreover, we have to prepare ourselves for the Day when we have to meet the Lord face to face. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

Lesson No. 5:

The kind of life a person lived during his lifetime can partly be manifested in his/her burial. If he had lived an ordinary life, i.e., had a family, decent career and some contributions to society, then his relatives and close friends and acquaintances would definitely give a few testimonies. If he had squandered his life, deserted his family and committed a crime, I wonder if he can obtain a decent burial. Worse, his enemies might even rejoice at his death. On the contrary, if he had lived a fulfilled life and had left an impact in the lives of others and in society, even people he didn’t know will flock into his burial. He would be a legend whose memories will be embedded in the minds and hearts of the lives he touched. THEREFORE, WHEN DECIDING ON HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE, THINK OF WHAT YOU WANT YOUR BURIAL TO BE.

busy

busy. i'll just post a blog later